Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
