I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize