there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We smell like vodka and hangover
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