Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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