the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
