Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
