I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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