Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
