doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
