Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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