Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
