You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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