Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
