I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
