Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They have beer where we have blood.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
