He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize