Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
