I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
