He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
