Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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