Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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