I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
