I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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