I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
