I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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