Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
