Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
