Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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