I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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