Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
