Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
