she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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