Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
