Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
