I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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