You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
