Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
