We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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