I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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