im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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