im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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