He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
