i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
