Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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