I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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