Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
