did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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