Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
