I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize