I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
