Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
