I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
