WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
