i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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