addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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