omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
