I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
