Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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