There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
