I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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