were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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