How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
