You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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