eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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