Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just invented taco cereal.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
