Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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